


Mac and Dennis Have a Baby

by Megalomaniacal



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Babies, Canon Gay Character, CharDee - Freeform, F/M, Fat Mac, Gay, Gay dads, M/M, MacDennis - Freeform, Mpreg, Pregnancy, background chardee, he would use it as an excuse to gain weight, sorry lmao, the best gay dads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 10:24:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12130416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megalomaniacal/pseuds/Megalomaniacal
Summary: If Dennis and Mac weren't both angry horrible people and had babies.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is only mpreg because I wanted the baby to be able to have both of their genes and none of a stranger's. Also, this chapter is very short and poorly written but I was having a hard time getting through it because I was so bored and wanted to get into the actual plot. Also the skin cell thing isn't total bullshit, it's a future possibility. 
> 
> Set after season12 pretending that Dennis's Double Life doesn't exist

Mac always let Dennis sit on his lap. That was the way it was. He was stronger, he was the big spoon, Dennis liked to lay on top of him. Dennis was all long limbs, sprawled out atop his boyfriend, relaxing against his body heat. Mac liked to play with his hair, fingers running through the soft brown curls. Dennis was the prettiest man he'd ever met.

"Dennis..." Mac murmured, focusing on one tiny curl that was dangling over his forehead.

"Yeah?" The older blinked up at him, eyes half-lidded and tired from staying up too late the night before.

"You're so pretty."

Dennis scoffed and rolled his eyes, murmuring a soft "I know that," before turning his head, pressing his face to Mac's thigh.

"I want a baby."

Dennis whipped his head up even faster than he'd put it down and suddenly sat up, eyes going wide as he turned to look at Mac. "What? No. We are not having children. Absolutely not." All traces of exhaustion were gone from his face, replaced with a defensive expression.

Mac frowned, eyebrows furrowing. "Why not? Is it 'cause you'd be a bad dad?" He thought Dennis would be a great dad, but he didn't want to show it just yet.

"Are you challenging me right now?" The cuddly and loving atmosphere was completely gone, Dennis's eyes narrowed into a glare that he was focusing on Mac.

"Well. We live together, and we sleep together, and you're my boyfriend. Dude, we're almost fourty."

"I don't look forty."

"You say that, and yet I keep seeing new gray hairs on you every day."

Dennis looked appalled, running his hands quickly through his hair. "I do not! My hair is beautiful and full of volume and color! My shampoo is the best of the best, enriched with vitamins, a beautiful chocolate color! It is curled to perfection, my hair is healthier than any other!"

Mac snickered, leaning against his boyfriend. "Calm down. I'm just saying, if we don't do it now, we're losing the chance to ever do it."

"I..." Dennis trailed off. He was a lot gentler when it was just him and Mac alone, a lot easier to calm down, as opposed to with the rest of the gang, especially once they were a couple. "Dee could be a surrogate. She's done it before."

"Ew! No! Bird children!" Mac exclaimed, earning himself a punch in the arm from Dennis. He grinned anyway. He didn't want his children to look like Big Bird.

"Who else are we going to ask? Our numerous collection of female friends? Yeah, just go ask them."

"But we don't have any female friends."

"Exactly!" Dennis exclaimed, quickly growing exasperated once again. "But it has to be my sperm. I have the good looks and the brains."

"I have good looks!" Mac exclaimed, voice going up an octave. "And the brains! I'm the leader of the group!"

Dennis's eyes narrowed yet again. "If you're going to make a big deal over it, just don't have the baby."

Mac huffed, turning away from him. "Fine."

* * *

 

"Dude. You can both have the kid. There's some weird skin cell egg thing out there now." Dee barely looked up from her notebook. "Just have Mac carry it. He's been fat already. He's used to it."

"I'm not a woman!" Mac exclaimed, quick to defend himself. "Dennis is the woman!" Really, Dennis was the slim, soft, and feminine one. Mac was cool. Mac was strong, buff, masculine.

"We are both men, Mac." Dennis sighed, taking a long sip of his beer. "And I am not ruining my body with a child."

Mac looked over to him in shock. "Neither am I!"

"Mac, you gained and lost sixty pounds over the course of a month. You can handle a baby." Dennis scolded, swiftly draping his arm over Mac's shoulder when the other man opened his mouth to argue. "Besides, baby boy, you're the stronger one. You'd be so good at it."

Mac's angry expression faded just a bit, turning to look at his boyfriend. "... you think so?"

"Of course. You look good with some extra weight on you. You can pull it off." His voice was smooth, deceptive, and Mac fell for it every time. Even with the assurance that Dennis was his, he was still hopelessly in love with him and almost annoyingly possessive. Dennis would never admit it, but he was just as possessive as Mac, if not more. Mac was his. Sometimes they'd go to gay clubs just to show each other off.

Mac's face seemed to light up at the praise. "I could. Yeah, I could pull it off."

"If you can pull up the money." Dee snorted, finally looked up. "That's tens of thousands of dollars, and frank doesn't want another brat around. He's not gonna pay for-"

"I've been saving up." Mac blurred out. His grinned widened even as Dennis turned to glare at him yet again. I've been taking chunks of money out of Dennis's and my paychecks and-"

"You were taking my money?"

"I've been saving for a few months, and there's gotta be at least two grand in there."

Dee's snickering continued. "Where are you planning on getting the other fifty thousand?"

Mac really hadn't thought too much about the money part, he just knew he wanted the baby. There was room in the apartment, with he and Dennis sharing a room and all, and he already had plans to remodel the room into a badass baby nursery. He'd paint it a badass color and get some badass toys. It would be Project Badass: Baby.

"I'll get it from frank. Just tell him we're making the bar into a strip club or something. And then I take all the cash and get Mac knocked up."

Dee snorted, shaking her head. "Go get him knocked up somewhere else. I don't wanna watch."

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, this chapter is barely longer and just as lame, I just wanna get to the actual pregnancy and moody Mac with a disgruntled dennis

Dennis would be lying if he said he hated having to leave Mac alone in the surgery room. He'd also be lying if he said he hadn't screamed at the nurse and tried to punch her, landing him alone in the waiting room. That was his god damn boyfriend, he didn't want a bunch of filthy pretentious doctors touching all over his body. What if they tried to rape him? Mac was handsome, really, of course he was. Dennis wouldn't date someone who wasn't a solid ten, and he'd seen how some of those men looked at him. Maybe he was just imagining it, but he didn't like it one bit. Knocking his boyfriend out with some strong anesthetic and then cutting him open. He would probably be a better doctor than them. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got.

Finally, after a good half hour moping in his chair, he walked up to the receptionist and slammed his fist on the counter. "I demand to be let in! That is my boyfriend that your colleges are touching!"

She paused her typing for a moment to look up at him with a bored expression. "Mr. Reynolds?"

"Yes, that is me and you are all touching my boyfriend where I can't see!"

She sighed, looking back down at her computer and resuming her typing. "I'm sorry, sir, but I have direct orders to not tell you your boyfriend's room and to not let you past this desk. It will just be a few hours, he won't even notice you're gone."

Dennis Reynolds was not a man to be messed with. He was a man packed with fury. He was beautiful, but there was a hurricane of rage building inside him. This woman didn't know who she was talking to. "So you suggest I just let random men touch my boyfriend? Drug him?! I refuse to accept this! Tell me his god damn room before I tear this whole hospital to shreds!"

"Sir, if you keep up like this, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Dennis was furious. Enraged. Boiling with anger. How dare they say he couldn't see his boyfriend- how dare they? Those doctors were probably in there touching everything they could, making fun of him, laughing at him for being gay or wanting children. Of course Mac wanted children, stupid fucking doctors, he and Dennis combined would create the most beautiful human the world could ever see. Those stupid doctors. Dennis hated doctors.

None of them knew anything. They told him he had a mental disorder, they told Frank he had heart conditions, told Charlie he had trauma- idiots, all of them. He knew more than they did. He was a genius, a five star man. He could forge prescriptions in his sleep. Hell, he'd even dealt with hard drugs! He had experience with cocaine!

"He's my fucking boyfriend, you bitch!" Dennis finally snapped. "Those doctors are scum! They're cutting into him but I can't be there, they're trying to hide something!"

She took a deep breath, pushing her glasses up on her nose. "Sir, please relax. Go home for a bit. He will be okay. It's only a two hour procedure."

"Two hours alone with my boyfriend! While he's drugged!"

"Sir, he consented to the surgery, and you were also there. Neither of you protested, and-"

"I didn't know they'd kick me out!"

"Sir, you can't go in the room during a surgery! Either sit here calmly or leave, or I can get someone to escort you out."

"What if I knocked you out and started touching you in some private room, huh? Started grabbing at you and slicing you open and get you knocked out? How would you like that?!"

The receptionist looked up at him, appalled. "Excuse me, sir? That is not what is going on." She paused. "Are you threatening me?"

His veins were bulging out of his head, face flushed red with anger. No one told Dennis Reynolds what to do. There was no reason to kick him out of the room. Finally, he slammed his fist down on the desk, shoved over her cup of pens, and stormed out. Bullshit. That was his boyfriend. He was the most important person in Mac's life. His sperm was involved in the procedure! It involved him!

The hospital door slammed behind him as he head to the car, sitting in the drivers seat. Stupid doctors. Stupid nurses and receptionists. He and Mac were always together. His boyfriend and his child, he deserved to be there when his god damn boyfriend got pregnant with his child.

He fished his phone out of his pocket, furiously typing in his sister's number. It rang a few times before she picked up.

"What do you want?" Her voice came through the phone as he hit speaker, turning up the volume.

"These doctors don't know shit, Dee."

"Dennis, doctors are all just greedy assholes. This isn't anything new."

"They won't let me be there when my boyfriend gets pregnant!"

There was a pause, and he could hear Dee sighing on the other end of the phone. "Dennis. You can't watch him get surgery. You'd lose your shit the second they touched him."

"They're alone with him right now! Who knows what they're doing!"

"They're getting him pregnant, Dennis, like you both wanted."

"Two hours, Deandra! Two! Hours! Leaving him alone with a bunch of strange men!" His voice cracked from the strain.

"Dennis, are you kidding? Two hours is nothing. Go watch a movie or something."

"You are not helpful at all, you stupid bird!"

"Yet your the one paying for some doctors to lay eggs in your boyfriend."

"They're not-" Dennis started, fuming when he realized Dee had hung up on him. What a bitch. She knew nothing about pregnancies or childbirth.

Well, she had gone through it, but that wasn't the point. She hadn't actually had a father for it, she was just some dumb surrogate. His boyfriend was actually going to be carrying a baby. His baby. It was completely different, really, and therefor made him and Mac much more hardcore than Dee.

Still, he wasn't happy about the doctors kicking him out.

* * *

 

When Mac finally got out from his surgery, Dennis was back to moping in the waiting room. Dennis immediately jumped up out of his seat, eyeing Mac up and down, the corners of his lips twitching up into a grin. Mac looked paler than usual, eyes a little bit glazed over, but he grinned when he saw Dennis.

"I'm pregnant, dude."

And despite the fact that, to be honest, it was a little weird and a little gross, and Mac looked drugged up, exhausted, and gross in general, Dennis's heart was pounding in his chest at the site of him.

"Yeah. Yeah, you are."

Dennis didn't hug him, but he did walk over and hold his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He wouldn't admit it, but his heart was still pounding as he felt Mac's hand in his. He was going to have a fucking baby. He'd treat it better than Dumpster Baby, better than Dennis Junior, he'd treat it like... well, he'd treat their baby like the father he always wished he had.

"I love you, Mac." Dennis murmured in a small, gentle moment. He could see his boyfriend's eyes light up. "Let's go to Guigino's, okay? I made reservations while you were being cut open."

Mac wrinkled his nose, eyebrows furrowing at the thought. "Yes Guigino's, no cutting me open. Do you have the Rover?"

"No, I'm just gonna make the father of my child walk a few miles after his surgery." Mac stared at him blankly, not catching on to the sarcasm. "Yes, Mac, I have my Rover."

Dennis led him out and into the car, even letting him choose the music and listening to him blabber about nonsense on the drive to Guigino's. He was honestly amazed that Mac still had an appetite and so much energy after surgery. He looked like shit, but if he didn't have to look at him, he wouldn't have known the difference.

"Can we get the snapper, Dennis? I haven't had fish in forever. I know it's expensive and we just spent a bunch on surgery, but-"

Dennis finally parked, leaning over and kissing him to shut him up. "Yes, you can get your stupid fish."

He remembered the first time they went to Guigino's as a couple, the waitstaff looking thoroughly unsurprised, some giving them congratulations. One person even got confused, thinking they had always been a couple. They'd laughed it off. Now, it was normal for them to walk in hand in hand, not wanting to let go of each other to sit down. Dennis found that he was very often much too vulnerable around Mac.

"At least we aren't stuck by the kitchen door this time." Mac joked, smile wide and bright on his face. His hair was fluffy, it wasn't greased back- it was unusual for Mac, and Dennis loved it. He was wearing that stupid 'RIOT' shirt- yet another one of Dennis's old shirts that he dug out of the trash- and he still looked good in it.

"We deserve better than the kitchen table and you know it." Dennis huffed, but there was a smile toying at the corners of his lips. "You have two mouths to feed now."

"Does that mean I can get two snappers?"

"Absolutely not."

Mac pouted, the typical pout when Mac wanted something he couldn't have and didn't even realize he was pouting. He reminded Dennis of a sad puppy. He had the brains of one, too. "I'm hungry."

"I know, baby boy. Just one though. Be good for me, okay? I'll make sure we have a good time when we're back home..."

Mac agreed, not taking very much persuasion. The waiter- one that they'd spilt spaghetti on many times- took their order quickly, rushing to move to a different table.

Mac reached across the table to hold Dennis's hand, fingers lacing together. "I like you like this."

Dennis raised a questioning eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Sweet. Affectionate. Mine."

Dennis actually blushed, his pretty face turning bright pink as he looked away, mumbling, "Shut up and drink your water," softly, trying not to let the smile show on his face. "I'm yours always."


End file.
